Related Sections: Horror Movies Reviews
Jennifer's Body is hot—it's just not scary or funny
There's a moment in Diablo Cody's previous film Juno (maybe you've heard of it?) in which Ellen Page as everyone's favorite knocked-up teen makes a call on her cheeseburger-shaped phone. In the midst of the call, Page says that she has to shake her cheeseburger phone, nominally because the cheeseburger phone isn't working right, but in fact, because Cody didn't seem to think that a cheeseburger phone could be funny or quirky or cute unless it was pointed out to the audience.
Cody's new black comedy/horror film, Jennifer's Body, of which she is screenwriter and executive producer, is rife with this same kind of obviousness that she seems compelled to point out. Pointing out the obvious, and the use of the obvious, can work really well in horror and comedy. Chief Brody's observation in Jaws that "We're gonna need a bigger boat!" is a great moment of comedy after a truly great scare. But the obviousness and the telegraphing in Jennifer's Body are so obvious, and so telegraphed, that the movie comes across as a 1-hour-and-42-minute trailer for itself that gives away the whole plot.
In case you haven't heard, Jennifer's Body is an ABC Afterschool Special riff about mega-cute high school girl Jennifer, played by Megan Fox, who gets demonic and anthropophagic, much to the consternation of her "BFF" Needy, played by the really very good Amanda Seyfried. Oh, yeah. Her name is "Needy". Remember what I said about "obviousness"? Yeah, "Needy" is a nickname. But really ... c'mon. "NEEDY"?
In lieu of a fantastically obvious cheeseburger phone, in the first few minutes of Jennifer's Body we're treated to a groaningly obvious bunny-slippers gag, the establishment in a voice-over that a certain character is prone to a particular aggressive behavior just before she engages in said behavior (in case we might miss it, and not be able to figure it out for ourselves when we see it) and a prologue that telegraphs the final resolution of the movie into obviousness that borders on the irrelevant. As the movie unfolds, we're treated to lots of clever-for-clever's-sake dialogue, the remarkable observation that teenage boys are kinda dumb because they're so horny, that emo is kinda lame and that Indie bands that wear lots of makeup are kinda lame. We also get not one, but two really obvious Evil Dead references in the same shot. Which, of course, Cody can't allow to be just visually obvious. A character has to address the Evil Dead references. Heaven forefend anyone should have to figure them out for themselves, or notice them.
This same obviousness derails the one interesting element in the plot—what happened to Jennifer to make her all man-chompy? The clues are all there, and it is fairly engaging to fill in the blanks. But, no ... we're treated to a long flashback with yet more voice-over that removes all the mystery from the mystery, much in the way that Freddy, Shaggy, Velma and Daphne remove the monster masks from elderly grouches who engage in complex real-estate schemes.
There are just ridiculous lapses in character logic, to the point that the characters are forced to move as the plot requires them to move, without any internal consistency. After a behemoth of a football player is murdered, a guy worried about the safety of his 85-pound girlfriend specifically because of said murder has her walk alone at night to meet him so he can warn her about the murder, rather than just tell her on the phone. A guy is called out to the middle of nowhere by a girl who he knows plays with boys' heads, and doesn't logically assume that she's punked him. A girl makes a phone call because she's insecure and spooked, then hangs up and puts down the phone when she hears creepy sounds in the darkened house. This same girl moments later doesn't call 911 when she really should. There are others. But I'm too depressed to go into them.
Director Karyn Kusama, who showed such great chops with her first feature, Girlfight, just can't seem to squeeze much out the material. The shots are flat and ... dare I say it? ... obvious. Jenifer in hot pink walking down a hallway full of people in gray and black. Seductions framed in less interesting fashions than Certs commercials. Painfully hamfisted cross-cutting. Not a scrap of tension to be found in most of the movie, though Kusama does stage a fire in a bar with a really disturbingly dreamlike lack of affect. Kudos for that.
All these shortcomings might be forgivable if Jennifer's Body were scary or funny. It's neither. As for satire, Jennifer's Body, ultimately, is as lame as the things it lampoons. You'll find much better handling of similar thematic material in John Fawcett's brilliant Ginger Snaps. Those wanting to see the movie because of Megan Fox would do much better to wait for the DVD, when they can freeze-frame certain shots. Or for the next Maxim shoot ... which this movie strongly resembles in the end, only without as much narrative integrity.
By Jeanna Tendean at 6:12 PM ON 09/18/09
Yeah, thanks for the accurate review. As soon as I saw the preview I knew it would suck. The name alone says it all...
By lynchzilla at 9:11 PM ON 09/18/09
Just saw it - it wasn't as bad as so many are saying. Megan Fox is perfect to look at, but is obviously struggling to alliterate full sentences. Amanda Seyfried carries the whole movie, does 70% of the dialog and looks really good, even when they try to "geek" her up to the max. Diablo Cody's dialog is snappy and lively - some of her references even went over my head. Watch for an uncredited cameo by Alien's Lance Hendrickson at the very end of the film.
By Michael at 9:44 PM ON 09/18/09
Sorry, but I don't think Megan Fox is the least bit attractive or sexy. If you're gonna make a horror film where the title draws attention to the star's bod, she's gotta be more buxom and have more dangerous curves than Fox.
By JD at 9:53 PM ON 09/18/09
Wow, another fellow who doesn't think Megan Fox is the eye-poppingly amazing sex goddess that everyone declares her to be. She really isn't. Yes, attractive, but it's almost as though she's trying to hard. As for the movie, I'm glad it's terrible because I'm sick of hearing about it from these websites.
By AngryJonny at 11:59 PM ON 09/18/09
Agree, Michael & JD! She may be beautiful, but I like women without the lifeless eyes. She does try too hard. Lynchzilla said it best above: "obviously struggling to alliterate full sentences," which was hilarious.
I really like Amanda Seyfriend on HBO's Big Love and I'm looking forward to seeing her in Chloe with Julianne Moore. The lesbian sex scenes are supposed to be hot! (Uh, not that that's the only reason I'm interested in the movie...)
By Scanner at 12:45 AM ON 09/19/09
As good looking as I've thought MF is, I've always thought she wore so much makeup in the movies she's been in that it spoils it. Too much gunk is just that.
Other than that, haven't seen the movie, and unfortunately I'm now in the mood not to. I knew I shouldn't have read this review, because I like to form opinions for myself and movie critics and I often do not see eye to eye with the exception of a few, such as the recent Halloween II which I expected so much from and came away with little (my opinion, naturally).
By ETo at 3:21 AM ON 09/19/09
She is an over-hyped, lousy actress with creepy little thumbs. I don't get the attraction at all!
Maybe if she stars in a couple more flops they'll stop casting her in movies all together.
By Feo Amante at 3:39 AM ON 09/19/09
From the uncompelling trailer to what the producers really wanted to get across "Cody Diablo wrote it! Megan Fox gets naked!"
Me: Oh cool! Is this scary?
Producers: "Cody Diablo wrote it! Megan Fox gets naked!"
Me: Ri-ight. But is this a good movie? Is it funny?
Producers: "Cody Diablo wrote it! Megan Fox gets naked!"
Me: sigh...
By oneeye at 7:15 AM ON 09/19/09
I won't watch this but Megan Fox is more than hot
By stargazer_1682 at 10:07 AM ON 09/19/09
I didn't think Juno was particularly any good; I thought it was over-hyped and fell flat through out. Shocking that another movie by the same writer is par for the course.
It just goes to show how little I cared about this movie, that it wasn't until this article that I read that Diablo Cody even wrote this.
By pumpkinshirt at 2:25 PM ON 09/19/09
Uh, folks, to "alliterate" means to start multiple words with the same letter, as in "pedantic posters pontificate preachily." I think you mean that Ms. Fox has difficulty "articulating" complete sentences.
By AngryJonny at 6:08 PM ON 09/19/09
Doh! I bet Megan Fox knew that.
By Wes at 8:04 PM ON 09/19/09
Yeah, just saw it and it wasn't half bad.
By Imagica at 10:41 PM ON 09/19/09
I liked it. It was funny in some places and had a nice pace to it. Is it a great horror movie? No was I entertained yes.
Maybe because I hate those Alt Indy Bands that sounds so commercial now adays.
Maybe I like the idea of the demon worshiping band had no idea what they were doing.
Maybe I liked to see how stupid a town gets because the press tells them how to think.
Maybe I like how it started and ended (see the movie you would get what I am saying there).
Megan Fox did a great job playing a ditz and being the monster killing guys too stupid to think. Megan Fox showed she can carry a film.
Amanda Seyfried is a gem in this film as Needy and her star should rise from this.
This critic posts some weird things here. Who cares about Juno? I do not care if it is the same writer.
I went with my wife and her friend to see this. The girls were on the floor thought it was funny and creepy. But overall scary no.
In the end we were entertained and that is what matters.
By Afronaut at 12:53 AM ON 09/20/09
Geez! Hasn't the clock struck fifteen minutes on this chick yet?
So the overrated, uninteresting, and earth-shatteringly annoying Megan Fox is starring in a movie in which she portrays an evil succubus...
This is a documentary, right?
By nerdbastard at 7:25 PM ON 09/20/09
Jennifer’s Body was choppy, strangely paced, and seemed like it was shot entirely by the 2nd unit director. Karyn Kusama only has 2005’s Aeon Flux under her belt, and it shows, with lack of originality or ingenuity, the film falls as flat as the dialogue.Diablo Cody’s chic and made up, contemporary lingo that made Juno hip and clever falls embarrassingly flat as delivered by Fox. This was supposed to be the film that Fox claimed would show she could do more than just run from giant robots, and be some sweaty, half dressed eye candy. Sadly, we still have to wait.
This was a snippet of our review of Jennifers Body. If you would like to see more of what we have to say and perhaps check out some other cool stuff then hop on over to nerdbastards.com
By movieman at 9:45 PM ON 09/20/09
you people really crack me up! you go see the movie and then complain that it wasnt scary or that is just sucked. Were you that deceived by the trailer. Did it look like it was offering a spectacular movie? Any guy who went is going to see Megan. So eat the 12 bucks and stop whining. And to the guys here that say she isnt hot, id bet all my money you havent had a girl even 1/10 as hot as her. Lying Whiners!
By Taiso at 2:10 PM ON 09/21/09
I could care less about Megan Fox.
If I want tittilation, I can get that (and more) for free on the internet.
And unlike Megan Fox, who just runs through fires and acts like a sexpot, I can actually see these free women on the internet (who are just as hot as she is and hotter, even) doing what I actually want to SEE them doing.
Go back to running through fires, Megan.
Better yet, next time when you reach the fire...just stay in there for a while.
By Alan Vinart at 12:40 AM ON 09/24/09
too bad for Megan Fox, eventually she'll have to actually do some acting at which point she'll be done for; but it looks she may have escaped career destruction for a least a little while longer...
Visit mobile.syfy.com/wire on your mobile device.
Alan Vinart:
too bad for Megan Fox, eventually she'll have to actually do some acting at which point she'll be done for; but it ...More »